Money Matters
Fazed:
Is the topic of money making you and your partner fight? You’re not alone. It’s the number one cause of arguments between couples. Here are a few tips on cutting down the conflict.
There are good reasons why money is such an emotive subject, but there are simple steps you can take to start working as a team. Surprisingly, the answer isn’t having more cash. Even wealthy people fight about finances. We frequently value ourselves (and others) in terms of how much wealth we have accumulated or how high our salary is. With most couples that means there is an imbalance right from the start. Add to that the fact that men and women traditionally have different attitudes towards money and the result is a highly charged cocktail of uncomfortable emotions.
Talking about it
Assign a quiet time and place to talk with your partner in a non-judgemental way about money attitudes. This is not the time to drag out the bank statements and point your finger. Instead, talk about your own feelings and fears about money: Are you worried you’ll make mistakes with investments? Talk about what you hope money will accomplish. Even if you don’t agree on every point, your willingness to share and understand will go a long way towards building a working financial relationship.
Fund the future
Couples tend to agree on long-term goals but get bogged down in the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet. Concentrate on the big picture: when do you want to be financially independent, and how much money will you need in retirement? Crunch the numbers (together) to see how much you’ll need to set aside each month to reach these goals. Finally, set up automatic monthly savings into retirement plans or no-load mutual funds. It’s surprising how much stress is relieved when you know your future is being taken care of.
Keep some money separate
Each of you should have a ‘no questions asked’ sum of money each month. The amount will vary with your circumstances, but even a small amount a month means you can have lunch out with friends without accusations from your partner or guilty feelings about jeopardising the funds.
See it from their point of view
If you are a hoarder and your partner is a spender, agree to switch roles for a week. If one partner had always paid the bills, let the other partner take over, at least for a few months. That works well when the spender takes over as bookkeeper, as long as the bills genuinely get paid.
Bring in a neutral party
Sometimes it helps just to get an unbiased second opinion on your financial situation. A competent financial planner, who you both trust, can help you define your goals and lay out a strategy to meet them. A planner can also point out problem areas and immediate solutions.
If you think you just can’t have a calm discussion about money, consider consulting a counsellor who specialises in couples and finances.
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